A Diluted Background

A little background you ask?

I grew up with two older brothers--Ben (9 years older than me) and Nathan (7 years older than me). I didn't realize until after my mom and dad had split up that my dad wasn't theirs. That was a defining moment for the 7 year old me until I realized that my not knowing had just given us a stronger connection. Both my dad and mom got remarried not long after--my dad to this completely insane woman--my mom to a man who never learned how to control his temper. Needless to say, the insane woman didn't last long and my dad wound up moving to Illinois near his parents. My mom's husband already had two boys from another marriage--BJ (3 years older) and Josh (one month older) brought my siblings count up to 4 brothers. Lucky me. 5 months after they got married they had our brother Joseph (10 years younger). My dad found and married his high school sweetheart, Linda, in Illinois--she had a son and daughter--Eric (7 years older) and Danielle (3 years older--to the day). 6 brothers and a sister. My dad and Linda had Andrew(12 years younger) and that brought the count up to 7.

7 brothers and a sister--it doesn't matter in the least that we haven't the same moms or dads. It doesn't matter in the least that some of us are not even blood related. Family is family.

In giving that little bit perhaps it can give some incite to why I am who I am. I grew up spoiled as the only girl. I was the absolute girly girl--refusing to wear anything but dresses until I was in elementary school; however, I was never afraid to get dirty and play in the mud. Being constantly teased and harrassed by older brothers probably can be attributed to that certain aspect of my nature.

Josh got me addicted to playing basketball in 4th grade and I played for the next few years. I went to the basketball training camp before my freshmen year in high school and I pushed myself through that (weight lifting and playing basketball with a sunburn was murder)--but one of my best friends had decided she wasn't going to play...so I followed her lead mainly because I was terrified I would be horrible. I always regretted that--but not enough to start playing again later.

I've learned to better deal with the thought of failure over the years or at least I know better than to quit just because you're afraid of failing. That just leaves you with questions you don't really want answered.

I'm not a girl who dates a lot of guys casually. Sure going out on dates with different people is great, but if I discover I don't like them--thats it. What is the point of going out on future dates? I've had a couple serious relationships (one lasting on and off for 4 years)..but most not so serious. I've had my share of heartbreaks and depression too.

I hated high school. My senior year was absolute hell--I hated every moment of it. While I've gone back in the school a few times, I still shutter walking through the doors. I worked my ass off to graduate first in my class and now that really doesn't matter so much--but it did get me some money so that I could go to King. I was almost nervous picking a christian private college. But these were the people I wanted to be around. My high school was small and I didn't want to jump into a huge college and lose focus completely. King seemed perfect. And it still is. I've made some amazing friends.

And thats a very diluted background...But I have no doubt I'll wind up sharing more later.

Ben has caught the flu on top of all his other stuff. His temperature is sky rocketing again and hes coughing and hacking like mad. The hospital let us fax him a picture of his dog (he loves his dog) up there for when he wakes up enough to understand. Hopefully that will calm him and keep him from panicking since we aren't allowed to be there.