I Do Love Chocolate Milk

Update on Ben news. Hes hardly sedated anymore. Momma asked the nurse if hes responding at all. She said that sometimes she will talk to him and he makes eye contact, but she can walk around the bed and he doesn't follow. Neurology is still working with him of course, but they haven't told the nurses very much. Because of the pneumonia hes still coughing up a lot of nasty stuff from his lungs. They set him up in this special chair thing for a few hours today. Hes got a collar thing on that has something to do with the traech (I have no idea how I'd spell that). Today, hes got to go in and get a CT scan of his chest today because of the pneumonia and such now. I think thats all we know thats new. I can't stand the thought that he might not be there anymore. Whats going on behind his eyes? Is he in there?

My papaw fell down last night again. Thats the 4th or 5th time since new years. He hurt his head and bent up his glasses but other than that hes ok I think. I hate that he has to be on the oxygen. Don't smoke. It ruins your health. Do you really want to have to lug around a tank of oxygen everywhere you go? To the point where you can't even really go anywhere for more than a few hours because you might run out? I was at church with him once and he was pointing out his old 'smoking buddies' to me. He pointed out two or three men on oxygen and continued to tell me about a few more who had died of lung cancer or Emphysema. See the connection?

Of course I'm allergic to smoke in general...couldn't smoke even if I wanted to.

It snowed again last night and we were on a delay--which is absolutly crazy since King is never on delays or canceled. My western civ exam was decent I think. I was pretty sure about all the questions. Thats exciting.

I've been craving my daily dose of chocolate milk I've became addicted to over the last semester. And of course I finally get time to go eat in the dining hall, and they have no chocolate milk.

In all reality this is the most depressed I've been. But I'm still standing. I'm handling life so much better than I have on previous occasions. It makes me feel better about myself in so many ways. I don't think it means that I'm stronger..just different.

"Don’t let the past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you become."