Scars?

I'm going to get to see Ben tomorrow for the first time since the 2nd. I'm scared I wont be able to handle it. I personally don't know how hes doing today. I had to get up at come to school at 9:15 even though I didn't have class because we had an essay due. Then I went and drove around for ages and went to the mall and bought those shoes I wanted and a shirt. I saw my aunt. Everybody keeps asking me how my mom is...whether its in person or when they call and shes not there. Do they expect me to say shes fine or do they expect me to say shes doing horrible? I can see this is ripping her apart. I mean its ripping us all apart. But my mom is one of the strongest woman in history--at least in front of us. I've seen her break down and cry a few times during all this...but shes handling it. Shes hired two attornies. Shes calling the hospital around the clock asking questions and writing every single thing down. Shes working on her second notebook. She is doing what needs to be done. Shes not fine. Shes even more broken than I am. Shes taken care of him his entire life. She gave him his meds everyday. She took him places when he needed. She bought his groceries. She took him to the doctor. She let him put a trailer in our yard so she could take care of him. Hes her oldest--her first.

Sadly the dining hall has apparently decided that since its almost spring break they've quit on the chocolate milk. I was stuck with cherry coke again (because as much as I love water...I'm sick of drinking it while I'm eating)..not that cherry coke is bad..its one of my absolute favorites of course...but I quit drinking soda in general a few years ago and now drinking an entire cup of any kind makes my stomach hurt. I can't imagine what it was doing to me when I was used to drinking several cups a day.

I have one more class then 9 glorious class free days. I'm throughly excited about the aspect. I wish I was going somewhere. Gatlinburg would be fun. Maybe I can convince someone to go with me. Although it would probably have to be on the weekend since most of my friends would be working or not on their spring breaks yet. I intend to go to Johnson City to the mall at least once. That is about as exciting as my life gets. ugh. When it gets warm I want to go to Carowinds...I love rollercoasters.