I think I'm bitter.

Bowling? You could probably kick my ass...

So, my internet has been dead the last few days. I felt seriously cut off from the world. I don't usually talk on the phone so of course I didn't feel right calling the people I don't normally talk to on the phone. Left me kind of lost. I spent days in front of the TV watching Gilmore Girls season 4 (rather than my 7 page essay--rough draft due tomorrow--I have less than 1 page).

Easter--besides it being the great Christian day of the year--Ressurection of Jesus and all...It was dull. We didn't do anything with the family. I went with my friend and her husband to her family thing. Tyler got his BIG truck stuck for a while. Thought we were going to have to get Alicia's uncle to pull it out. Embarrassment of the day for Tyler; however, in his defense he saved us without any help from the dodge.

This morning, while getting ready for school (freezing cold I might add) I turned on the today show as usual. I should probably add that I really don't like the Today show; however, my choices are limited and at least I get the weather. Today they had a story about a 21 year old who was declared brain dead and getting ready to have his organs harvested and he virtually 'came back to life.' Someone in his family ran a pocket knife (yea I know..a pocket knife) up his foot and he jerked it away. So he proceeded to push his fingernail up under the guys nail (which hurts like hell) and the guy jerked his arm away. Point is, brain dead people do not do intentional things. It honestly proves that miracles do exist, but I still wound up sitting in the floor crying my eyes out because I don't see a miracle of that sort happening for us. I wish and pray that it will happen, but I'm rapidly losing hope. And I hated myself while listening to the little sister talk about how thankful she was that he wasn't gone to them and hating her because it wasn't me. I want to be able to say that I witnessed a miracle and that my brother was ok. I would give anything to give Ben this option. This boy has trouble with his memory, but its coming back to him. Hes not going to be 100% ever again, but hes very close. So why can't Ben have that? Why can't we have that? Suffering makes us stronger, but what about him? What does this make him? Is he still him? Does he understand when we talk to him? Am I stronger for the pain or simply bitter? Right now I feel bitter. Every day, simply going outside and knowing that RIGHT ACROSS THE ROAD is the jail that did this to him. The people who COULD have prevented this are RIGHT THERE.

Heres the story about the boy...It really is a miracle

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23768436/page/2/

My papaw is still in the hospital. Hes sleeping a lot, which is good since he wasn't able to sleep much the last few weeks because he was in so much distress.

We had a holocaust survivor talk in convocation today. It really bothered me to think of a boy my little brothers age going through what this man went through. Of course I think the guy was older than him when it happened, but not by much. The woman who talked beforehand pointed out just how many people do not believe the Holocaust ever happened, and that we are the virtually the LAST generation that will be able to hear the account of a Holocaust survivor in person. So in that respect, "We are all witnesses." And thats true. We are. I went to the Holocaust museum in D.C. when the freshmen at king went to D.C. It was heartbreaking. I think the thing that really got me were the videos and the room just filled with shoes. Shoes of all those people. There were just so many. It was amazing. Not a good amazing. Just amazing.

This is from Hooters on wednesday night (all you can eat wings night)...This is Brad..being Brad. He seriously does this too. No joke. Now..my camera died just before he finished..but he uses the second napkin to wipe his mouth and then finish up on his hands (and yes..he usually keeps the napkins on his leg while eating...just so they're ready). And to all you people who think "Hooters is evil and vile" you've obviously never eaten there. It has seriously delicious food and most of the time the waitresses are lacking somewhat in those areas they're supposively hired for. Actually this wednesday, our waitress was pregnant. It was def. interesting. I miss going weekly. But mostly I miss Josh being here. He left and all the Hooters nights were over.